I received an email requesting to make a post on how to get over someone. Request like these are essential for me to talk about because it is something that we all go through. This can hold us back from living a happy, successful and meaningful life.
The was the email: “Can you write a post about focusing on yourself and getting over a relationship? I wasn’t thinking about her until now that shes back in town for spring break. I saw your piece about not listening to sad music during this time and I can relate. It helps knowing people go through the same things but it doesn’t help me feel better.”
Alright, before I get into the advice I would like to start off by saying that everyone handles break ups differently. Some people will leave the relationship and be ready to live their life without any emotions, while others will literally let their emotions rot them. I am not saying that you are the type to rot, but I am going to go into the extreme so that I can provide more advice. Not only for you, but also other people (male or female) who may be facing similar situations. From my advice you can take and apply what you feel relates to you most.
Do it for Yourself
If you want to see permanent change in your life you have to do it for yourself. Make sure that during this process you do not to have thoughts like “I am going to be COOL and AWESOME and RICH, and _____ is going to wish they were with me.” There is nothing wrong with these qualities just make sure you are doing it for yourself. As cliche as it sounds, you are the creator of your own world, and you can become whoever you want so be yourself for yourself.
Below are summarized points I will mentioned, and a couple extra
- Become independent
- Cut them out of your life
- Delete them off of social media
- Keep yourself occupied
- Replace habits you made with your partner with new ones
- Spend extra time with your family/friends (avoid being bored and alone)
- Do it for Yourself
- Go out and mingle (not necessarily on a mission for a new partner)
- Put away all visible reminders of them (notes, gifts, etc.)
- Exercise (helps you feel good about yourself)
- Find someone new
This is probably one of the best pieces of advice I can give you in life. Become an independent person. What I mean by this is that you have to figure out what your passion is in this world, and continuously work towards it. If you do this you will feel less of an urge to go into a relationship depending on that person for your happiness. This will automatically make you more attractive because you are someone with a purpose, you are someone that is not going to be clingy, you are someone that will be there for the person when they need, and you are someone that has a steady source of happiness, which is goal-oriented not human-oriented.
Why is that important? Because you will naturally be able to express your joy to the world just because you are doing what you love to do. If you become dependent on someone you will ride off of their emotions, and everyone in this world has their days where they just which aren’t themselves. You never know relationships are going to last and which ones are not so if you depend on them and the relationship goes south, then you are more likely to hit a downward spiral of depression because your main source of happiness is out of the picture.
Cut Them Out of Your Life
This section may seem harsh or even insensitive, I am going to be direct because it is one of the most difficult things for some people to do. We may have so many emotions towards that one person that it is difficult to make such a heartless decision. I understand, it can be hard to get over someone especially when dealing with long term relationships which suddenly end, leaving one person in the dumps. I mean there are numerous scenarios that can leave us in this painful situation, but whatever the scenario is, the worst thing we can do is let the issue linger on our lives. No matter how “perfect” they once were, you need to realize they are like poison, and you need to cut off all contact with this person ASAP.
Cut off the contact until you feel like you can have a conversation with them without thinking of getting back with them. I do not recommend talking to that person, but maybe in that sense I am different; I stay away from rekindling past relationships. In my mind I do not see the point in fixing a relationship where you have been rejected, disrespected and/or had your time wasted. There are numerous people out there who want to get to know you, who have a clean slate, and may even prove to be a better match for you.
Delete Them Off of Social Media
I am not sure how you know that she is back in town, but I am going to guess that it is social media related. My advice is to either delete her off of every social media app or to go right past each of her post (again depending on the type of person you are, and how it affects your thoughts). This is because if you were to see her post a picture with another man it may leave you upset, and put you in a funk which will slow down the process of you getting better. It may be a difficult task for some to delete their ex since they may mean so much to them, but in reality if they care about you as much as you think, then they should be fine with the fact that this is a way for you to stop rotting and begin to move forward towards greatness.
Keep Yourself Occupied
Last but not least, keep yourself occupied. For the most part it seems like you have been living comfortably until this moment because you feel the possibility of being able to see her and maybe working something out. My advice is DO NOT SEE HER! What you must do is keep yourself occupied. If you find yourself thinking of her, call your family/friends, and ask them if they want to partake in some type of activity. Being occupied will help you direct your thoughts into the present moment, instead of thinking of her like you would do if you were bored and alone.
Your family/friends will be your backbone throughout this process. ESPECIALLY for couples who live together because in those cases everything will remind you of your partner. In a case like that you have actually developed daily habits involving that person.
For example, lets say you watch television with your partner at a specific time. If you two are broken up then you will have to start doing something new at that time. You have to do everything in your power to cultivate new habits. This is because if you were to watch T.V. at that time by yourself you will have a higher chance of thinking about them, and saying foolish things like “I miss ______ . Nobody watches T.V. with me as good as ______, they had such an amazing way of keeping their eyes open.” Obviously that is blown out of proportion, but seriously we do start saying crazy things in our heads.
I hope this advice helps you out as well as everyone else reading. Comment with any feedback I would love to know which piece of advice relates to each of you the most!
“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.” – Will Smith